In my entire life, I've always asked if am I indeed loved by the people surrounding me.
FAMILY
I do know that I am not the favourite in the family. Although I have tried my best to get everyone's attention by doing well in school, it wasn't enough to generate enough love from everyone in our extended family. I have always loathed the fact that my aunts and grandparents have their own favourites among my 20+ cousins. I was never one of them. Even my sibling is a favourite of one aunt.
FRIENDS
I am not questioning the fact that I have true friends but sometimes I wonder whether if every single friend of mine really cares about me? I have proven before that there are indeed users and back biters. They were people whom I thought as my true friends but I later found out that they were wolves in sheep's clothings.
LOST LOVES
Prior to my current relationship, I have never been lucky in love whether it was hetero or same sex. Some ex's were either two-timers or blatant liars. The longest relationship I had with the same sex was for 8 months while the hetero was for 1.5 years.
I gave my all in these relationships. And because I loved these people, I lost myself, I lost my self-worth and in the end, I was terribly hurt. Every time this kind of shit happens, I would promise myself that I will never fall in love again. But once somebody comes along and sweeps me off my feet, I tend to break that promise to myself. And the vicious cycle happens again.
NOW
At present, because of some not so good experiences with family and lovers in the past, I have always questioned the fact if there are indeed people out there who are willing to love me, may it be platonic, familial or romantic.
I don't know if it's because of insecurity or just distrust but I am just hoping that somewhere out there, I will find what I am looking for whether from from friends, family or a prospective partner in life...
4 comments:
Awww..
It's sad that you reach this kind of thinking..
It may not be reassuring but I feel that someone from those circles you've mentioned has the love you've been longing for.
Perhaps, not the showy type.
I wish for you to find "love" from your family, first. Might sound too cliche, but really, blood will always be thicker than a marinara sauce. ;D
Nakakalungkot lang na kailngan dumating pa tayu sa ganitong tagpo ng buhay natin. Marahil sa pagiisa at/o pangungulila pero pasasaan pa eh mararamdaman mo din ang tunay na pagibig. Mejo OA lang pero isasama kita sa panalangin. :)
@greenbreaker: thanks dude
@desole boy: salamat :)
@desperate houseboy: thanks :)
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